Robot Reviewer No. 5: Kokigami: Performance Enhancing Adornments for the Adventurous Man

 

Kokigami: Performance Enhancing Adornments for the Adventurous Man (2000) by Burton Silver and Heather Busch.OCLC No. 45327590

(Note: Video review differs markedly from text review below.) 

Puppets for your penis. Masquerade your John Thomas as a fire truck, the space shuttle, a pig, or a dragon (you supply the "fire").

Robot Reviewer finally introduces its two reviewers, Foo Foo and Goo Goo. Reviewing this book about paper origami "puppets" for the male's nether digit was problematic as both Foo and Goo do not possess genitalia. Nonetheless, as sentient robots they do possess a thorough knowledge about all things Wang from the Wang 1200 to all sorts of synonyms for male genitalia from "Adolph" to "Yogurt Gun."

For the general creativity and humor, our confused robotic reviewers are still able to give this book their highest rating of Klaatu Barada Nikto!

I once read a book: Kokigami,
full of puppets to dress your salami,
of interest, sure,
if you have thoughts impure,
to lasciviously cavort on tatami. 

Robot Reviewer No. 4 : If Chins Could Kill

  

 

If Chins Could Kill : Confessions of a B Movie Actor (2002) by Bruce Campbell.OCLC No. 45757843

(Note: Video review differs markedly from text review below.) 

Robot Reviewer is a big Bruce Campbell fan. If you've never seen any episodes of The Adventures of Brisco County Junior or any of the Evil Dead movies, treat yourself. Of course the flip side of being a B movie icon would have to be that he appeared in one of the all time TV turkeys, Jack of All Trades.

Any way, this is one of two books penned by Bruce Campbell (the other being Make Love, the Bruce Campbell Way) and is easily the best of the two. The making of the first Evil Dead movie is worth the price of admission (buy this book).

If Chins Could Kill gets our highest rating of "Klaatu nikto barada" due to warmth, charm, humor, and interesting subject matter.

Robot Reviewer No. 3 : The Last Days of Christ the Vampire

The Last Days of Christ, the Vampire (1988) by J. G. Eccarius. OCLC No. 21895645

(Note: Video review differs markedly from text review below.) 

Robot Reviewer is a fan of self-publishing. This book is actually available in used copies, as of the date of this review, for less than $15. The cover here is the cover of the original 1st edition, 1st printing.

Christ takes a philosophical beating in this (unintentionally?) hilariously written treatise which takes, "This is my blood, drink of it" quite literally. Though the characters aren't particularly memorable, their names are, including: Cardinal Vlad, Rap, Digger, Joe the Pimp, et al.

Eccarius idea is a fun one, and this is not a boring read. It's in that class of "bad" that is entertaining. Anarchist punkers ganging up with vampire hunters to take on the Church, a front for vampire activity or something - the plot was a little all over the place and if you read this book unstoned you're not getting the gist of this review.

We give The Last Days of Christ the Vampire our lowest rating of "Klaatu" on Gort's three level rating scale of "Klaatu nikto barada" because this book is undeniably bad. And a hoot. Caveat: Not for devout Christians. Could maybe be offensive to them or something.

Robot Reviewer No. 2 : Jinny Williams, Library Assistant.

Jinny Williams, Library Assistant by Sara A. Temkin and Lucy A. Hovell. OCLC No. 1652811

(Note: Video review differs markedly from text review below.) 

Robot Reviewer loves vintage cheesy romance and career books. In addition to this one, RR owns a copy of Joan Foster, Sophomore (1948) and Hotel Nurse (1967). The book we're reviewing is part of a large series of books called Career Romances for Young Moderns which appear to be marketed towards up and coming females aspiring to be more than just a housewife. The titles say it all including classics such as Janice: Airline Hostess, Kathie: The New Teacher, Lynn Pamet: Caterer. But Jinny Williams stands head and shoulder above all of those classics.You see, Jinny aspires to eventually move up from her newly appointed position as "Junior Library Assistant" to "Qualified Library Assistant." The girl certainly does have ambition. Unfortunately, she has a run in with the lady reference lieberrian, Mrs. Bender (a GREAT name for a character according to RR). Jinny and Mrs. Bender just don't see eye to eye (Mrs. Bender is smarter than Jinny and doesn't let poor Jinny forget that). Anyway, Jinny has all sorts of lieberry adventures. In one, she misplaces an expensive coin collection. Where oh where did that 1804 silver dollar go? In between all of this she has to choose between the hunky dummy or the sophisticated nerd.She of course chooses the hunk which led to a sequel, Jinny Williams, Serially Abused Sex Object. I'm still trying to locate a copy.

Jinny Williams, Library Assistant gets our highest rating of "Klaatu nikto barada" due to a cool retro cover and cheesy dialog.

Robot Reviewer No. 1 : The New Annotated Dracula

The New Annotated Dracula (2008) by Bram Stoker, Edited by Leslie Klinger. ISBN 978-0393064506

(Note: Video review differs markedly from text review below.)

This 2008 work is a fantastic resource for those interested in all things Dracula. Klinger piggy backs on a couple of earlier works, namely Leonard Wolf's The Essential Dracula: The Definitive Annotated Edition (1993), and his earlier The Annotated Dracula (1975). Klinger adopts a convention that Bram Stoker is recounting true events, and examines the original manuscript and additional information in that light. The biggest problem I had with this, really, extensive work is that it lacked an index. Having browsed through it I KNOW there's a section on terriers killing rats that discusses in depth how effective these dogs were at doing just that. Without an index to look up "terriers," "dogs," or even "rats" one is left leafing busily through the text to find the relevant annotations.

This is a really fun item to leave on the coffee table (or in the loo) in order to pick up and enjoy. There's a certain Hungarian chicken recipe Klinger recounts, if I could just find it ...

"Klaatu nikto" out of "Klaatu nikto barada" for this one, primarily due to the missing index.